She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
