AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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