today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
