last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
