so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
