Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
