I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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