I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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