3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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