the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
