I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
