he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
