are you still at the devil's house?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
