How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
