my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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