it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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