STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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