the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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