I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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