it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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