the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
