I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
