I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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