I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
