Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
