We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
