Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
