Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
