put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
organizing the empties. That sober.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
