come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
