Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I want is dick and wine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
