i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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