You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
