YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
