The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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