WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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