he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
