Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
