If i come over, it means nothing
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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