she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
