I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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