Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
