Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want to fling myself into the sun
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
