I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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