he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My penis needs a shock collar
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
