how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
