cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
