too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
