I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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