i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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