UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize