shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
