We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
