ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
