Yo dont text me then not text me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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