I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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