He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
