I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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