I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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