"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
