she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
