once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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