I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
