i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
