i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
