You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
