i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
