Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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