Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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