what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
