CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
