Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
