Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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