In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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