i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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