Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
