is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
