im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He passed out mid-signature
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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