It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
