when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
