Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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