I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
