i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
