so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
