Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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