**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize