Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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