I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
