I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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