woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
