Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
