WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
