oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
