you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
