Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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