I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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