I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
