His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
