There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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