Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
